dr barbie (xshesmorbidx) wrote in anorexicangles,
dr barbie

Ive gone vegan again in my last desperate attempt to not binge. I've lost fourteen of the pounds I gained and flipped out on myself because I look bigger, even though I'm lighter. Apparently i've lost all of my muscle, I look disgusting. I hate bingeing(spelling). My weight fluctuates too much for its own good: Last June, I was 135, By August, I was 118, by October, I was 101 (my lowest since the sixth grade, I'm a senior now), and due to my therapist's forcing me to gain weight, by November I was 125. In January I fell to 115 again, but by March, I was 130 and In the beginning of May I hit my highest all time weight of 138, only to get down to 119 by May 27th and gain about 10 pounds by June 10th. Now, I'm 124, I will not give in this time; I will be thin and then even thinner. My weight hasn't been stable since 7th grade, I blame the contorted body image I developed in dance class and a 9 year old sister who weighs more than I do. Fat (people and just fat in general) disgust(s) me. Working in a deli aids in my disgust- most of the customers are gross and so is the lunchmeat.
I've finally stopped seeing my therapist and my psychologist. I'm free to do what I want- get down below 100.
Ed-nos with manic depression and OCD tendencies- No more treatment. Lovely. <3
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