I hate myself right now

I feel so gross right now, I went out to eat with my friends thinking i was only going to get water and when i went to the bathroom they ordered for me. I don't want them to know so i scarfed down about 15 chips covered in greasy cheese to show them that i don't not eat all the time. no one knows and now i just hate myself for eating those when i could've avoided the situation like i've done a million times... i guess not this time

(no subject)

darn! I was doing so good and then my sister asked me if I wanted some dessert. I had to go and get something or I would have stood out. I did okay during dinner. I didnt eat anything I fixed a plate took it with me and then didnt eat it. I ate about a cup each of spagettii, baked beans, macaroni and cheese, mexican salad, cabbage and a hamburger with no bun. Then for dessert I had a big piece of carmel cake, a chocolate pudding whipped cream thing, butter bread something. I think I only puked up a piece of cake or something. I didnt want anyone to hear so it was really difficult to gag myself. I dont know what the heck I was thinking.How could I? I'm throwing away what I've taken so long and worked so hard to get. I can't keep eating. My life in general has been better since I have lost the weight. If I gain all that back I will be the unattractive fat loser I was.I can't waste my life like that. I have tried to do a 7 day fast since April with no luck. From now on it will be different. Right now I feel like Read more...Collapse )

(no subject)

Wow I am finally doing really good. I'm watching Pageant Place and its really good thinspiration. I also am just sick of being fat. I had to fight the urge earlier to eat a handful of some chex mix. I feel really good about being able to fast for the next 7 days. I hope in that time I can take off at least 20lbs. Anyone wanna join my im is shalynnluv19@yahoo.com thinspoCollapse )

(no subject)

 My name is Traci, I'm 21 and I've been ana since I was 14. In the past fasting has been more successful when I've had a fasting buddy. So, if anyone would like to be fasing buddies you can text me at 402-813-1098. I'm starting (over) today

my first post


Current Weight:115
Lowest Weight:95
Highest Weight:142
Short Term Goal:105
Long Term Goal:90

How long have you had your ED: I have been obsessed with food and my body issues since first grade, since middle school I have been restricting, and in high I started throwing up. For two years I was throwing up at least three times a day, binging and purging.
What is your diognosis: Bulimic with anorexic tendencies
Have you ever been in the hospital:no
Why do you want to join this community: I have been relapsing and I miss being me. I miss the control, I miss what defined me.
  • Current Music
    She Say's by howie day

(no subject)

my girlfriend is my corset
i cannot eat when i am around her and i love it
unless she tells me to eat, then i 'nibble' as she says
we fit like that. she needs to gain weight i need to loose some.
so i feed off of her soul while she eats , and i dont.
i wish she was always around.

(no subject)

From the outside the group(s) that I hang out with are very annoying typical rich L.A. kids with everything they want. From the inside it's so different & almost everyone is "anorexic" it's so annoying. The people who really are and aren't just doing it, because their "friend" Lidnsey Lohan is don't say anything. I pretend to eat I pretend like I'm okay I fake it. Some of the dumb bitches in my group of "friends" are so fucking dumb they scream and parade around "I'm a starving child", "hey let's do some more coke so we can lose weight", "I haven't eaten in 1 day oh my god I'm so anorexic", "Isn't my red anorexic bracelet hott", and so on. At first I was amazed oh wow these people are upfront and don't give a fuck, but it's just a clan haha a clan of annoying rich snoby kids snorting coke every fucking day, because everyone is too lazy to actually exercise.
This kills me... my friend does coke then gets drunk (consumes about 1000 cals or more in alcohol) then is soo drunk and goes to a fast good restaurant to get food... what the fuck was the point?

Anyone else have "friends" like that?
I use the term friends losely, because hardly anyone out here is really you're friend and they'll stab you the back the 1st chance they get.

(no subject)

I love when I get over things then it all comes back.
Oh I'm over him... and then a couple days later he's back.
I haven't thrown up in a week wow good job... i spent practically the whole week on my knees.
I have been eating okay lately and I haven't been gaining weight and I'm actually losing and being somewhat healthy, the next week I'm not eating and exercising until I pass out.
Wow I'm sober good job to me... the next day till the next month I'm on a coke binge.

What's the fucking point anymore?